notmeanttoexiist:

          A difficult breath is sucked in through pale, bitten lips, shaking hands carding through her raven hair.  She has to get under control.  But she barely comprehends emotions she shouldn’t even have, let alone how to control them.  She isn’t like Saix with his empty eyes and cruel words.  She wishes Roxas were here.  Or Axel.  She’s not certain why.  She’s not certain she could cry in front of them, either.  

                She just doesn’t want to make Namine cry.  

                                        I promised never to make you cry.

She winces at the borrowed memory, her hand pressing to her head.  This one hurts doubly bad; not only is the memory not hers, it is one that shouldn’t even really be his, either.  She hates this.  She hates existing in this kind of in-between, she hates that nothing is really hers.

                             {maybe dying will be a relief.}

        The pain, if nothing else, serves to distract her long enough to cease crying.  She has to keep it together.  She has to be strong.  Her jaw clenches once more, and she blinks back tears behind long black lashes.  Steadies her voice.  Tries to use the quiet strength in her small hand that holds her shoulder to support herself.  

             So when the puppet speaks, it is with a degree of strength.

                               ”I know.  I know.”  She knows what she wishes.  Xion wishes it to.  She wishes things were different; she wishes they were two normal girls with normal lives who weren’t doomed to be used by others, doomed to be harmed or hurt.

    “Will it…hurt?  When I go back to Sora?”

    

         _{Somehow she could feel it when the memory flashed in front of the other girl’s eyes, could feel the brief pulse of it before it was gone once more but was still branded into Xion’s mind, because that was what memories did. Perhaps it was because it was Sora’s memory, and it was a memory forged by her own powers that she was able to tell. Not to see what it was, but able to feel the way that the memory dashed through her conscience before drifting back once more.}

                  _{A memory that was not Xion’s, but was not meant to be Sora’s. It was a memory that would soon be taken away and buried deep within the hero’s heart, never to be acknowledged again—just as the replica would be. Because that was her fate, because that was the fate of all of those who were never meant to exist, but the blonde knew it was worst for this girl.}

                                    _{Xion was not half a person.}

                                                      _{But to Naminé, she was a whole person.}

         _{Just as whole as Sora or Riku, as whole as DiZ or anyone else who lived in the light, who lived normally and happily. Yet she was not to be given a chance, could not be allowed to continue onwards, if only because of the circumstances of her creation, the circumstances of the worlds and the universe that surrounded the. Because of the people who surrounded them, who were waiting, watching, impatient.}

                           _{And to say that she was unsure if returning to Sora would be painful or not would not help anything. But truly she did not know, though she could imagine that it would not be. Not when going back to Sora likely meant fading away slowly, quietly, and Naminé could not imagine that there would be any pain. Only sadness.}

                                             _{”No… it won’t hurt at all.”}

                  _{Perhaps that sadness would be pain enough, when the end came.}